Beauty.
Beauty is so close, yet so far.
Why do you fight so hard for something beautiful?

You don't really know.

Maybe it's because you think you're not good enough,
and that having something of greaty beauty in your possession, will make you beautiful as well.

It confuses you.



You always think you're not beautiful enough,
Not special enough,


Not good enough.

But when he's close by, you feel beautiful.
You feel that you're good enough.

Beauty is so close, yet so far from reach.
You want to be next to him,
So badly,
So badly... that you'd give anything to be with him.

All for the sake of feeling beauty close to your heart,
Because he makes you feel complete;
He makes you feel extra-ordinary,
Almost as if you're better than anyone else in the world.
...Which you are, when with him.

But that's not how it is.
He doesn't want you, as much as you want him.
It's almost like you're not good enough for him.
You try to feel okay, when you know you're not.
You even try to convince yourself you're fine...
...but you're really not.

Life deals heavy blows.
And all you can do is admire him from afar.
A piece of art.
A masterpiece...

... Admiration from a distance...

And that is why, you feel like a bomb exploded,
Sending a million shards straight towards your fragile heart.
That is why you feel like you can't carry yourself,
Like you weigh a million pounds.
You feel like you're just a useless piece of meat.

A useless piece of shitty meat.

You can't remember the point of this journal anymore.
But you do know that darkness shrieks all around you,
Attempting to drown out the loud emptiness in your soul.

And all you can do is try to sleep it away,
And wake up tomorrow,
Plaster a smile on your face,
And let the whole world think that you're just dandy.

Just dandy.

. . . Just . . . dandy . . .